next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
