He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize