I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
