I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
