the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
