end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
