so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
