Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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