I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
