I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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