Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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