Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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