Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
