Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
