Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
