Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
