exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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