I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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