mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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