Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
