Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
