is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
