The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
