I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
