Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
