I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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