Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
