I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
