It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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