who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
