either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
