She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
