your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
