My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
