in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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