please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
