that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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