remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
