You're so nebulous sometimes
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
