Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
