At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
