My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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