Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
