therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
