I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
