Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
