there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
