He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
