She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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