Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
