Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
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