remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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