Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
