If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
