i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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