Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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