i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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