note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
