Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You may now shotgun with the bride
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
