You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
