why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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