Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
