so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
