Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize