You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
