the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
