Walk of Shame. In a state park.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
