The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize