Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
