i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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