Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
zippers are such a cool invention
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
